You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
