i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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