tell your sister to shave her snatch
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
