Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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