Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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