Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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