Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
