you had me at cake vodka
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
