I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize