So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
