I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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