It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
