I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
