his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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