my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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