if you like me you must not know who I am
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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