It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
