Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
