Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize