Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
