I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
