I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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