Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
