"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
