This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
