...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
