dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
