even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
