i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
