Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
