So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
