If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My ATM looks so different sober.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
