Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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