youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
