I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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