There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
