No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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