Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
