I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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