this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
