Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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