tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
