i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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