Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
