She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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