I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
