I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
