I am in a vortex of obligation.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
