1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
