i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
