so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
