True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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