Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
