I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
