I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
