i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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