first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
