I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
