Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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