the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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