I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
