and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
