You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
