shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
