U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
