waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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