tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
