the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
a search helicopter?!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize