I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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