why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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