Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
