So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
