i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
